On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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