what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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