Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
