It's Friday. Sex?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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