ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
