In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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