We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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