as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
