Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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