ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
