I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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