Don't you send me to vm
My nipple is on Facebook.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
