I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
