My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
