Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
