I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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