I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
