i just had sex bonerless
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
