no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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