i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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