You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
