She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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