He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
