it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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