just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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