I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
