if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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