So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
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