he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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