I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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