NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
