like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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