Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
