And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
