I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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