Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
