We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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