I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
