i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
