I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
