Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
