It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
