I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
