he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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