his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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