OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
