Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
