Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
