so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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