Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize