i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
