your parents love me but you hate me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize