I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
