It's like a parade of train wrecks.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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