my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
