your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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