theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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