I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
