my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
