So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
