He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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