The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
