Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
