nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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