So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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