Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
