They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
