Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
