Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
