Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
