I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
