hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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