I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
