i don't like sucking hair
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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