I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ladies don't puke and tell
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
