apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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