check it out our google latitudes are spooning
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
