Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize