Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
