I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
