remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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